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In the Year of our LORD Jesus Christ
2017
-- As of January 20, 2017
A Sigh Of Relief With The Inauguration Of Donald John Trump as President of the United States of America, And Hope For A Prosperous Future For All United States Citizens (we who are a nation called "the melting pot of the world"). We shall be great and exceptionally great again.


Peace and Liberty. Semper Fidelis.









Monday, December 16, 2013

Cynical Humor: Dream TV, The Coming Leftist Environmentally And Politically Correct Way To Watch Television -- In Your Dreams


Our fictional story begins with being "In the not too distant future".   It begins in a living room where a where a then politically defined cranky old man falls asleep staring at an empty television stand.  He laments, just before going to sleep, how that "Now that Homeland Security has come and seized my 96 inch 120,000p 3-D television, my only television, without a warrant, and redistributed it because some Socialist nutjob says they whatever they say and do is the law, no one in the police or in the Court System will even give it the time of day, who the hell are they to say that at just turning 55 years old I am just too old to live or even to watch television anymore?   It's just not right!" 

So the first thing that happens when this newly defined old man (because the State has habitually liquidated all others without waivers above the age of 60 under the Healthcare vaccine innoculation system)  falls asleep, is that he dreams he is sitting where he already is, in his favorite Lazy Chair watching big screen "Dream TV" on his formerly empty television stand.  We know it is "Dream TV" because it says so across the replacement 96" Big Screen  Television that it is so.  


The Program opens with an announcer specifying that:

 "All the stories we are about to show are true, but the names have been changed to protect the idiots involved."

With that, the screen changes to a lead in shot and caption of the alleged "Freedom Tower" in New York City, renamed then as the "New Hope Tower" standing  in the same general area where the World Trade Center Towers once stood for more than 30 years until 9-11-2001.  


 
The scene now switches to a Superior Court Courtroom, with a deputy coroner fictitiously named named Larry Carhart, medical examiner,  on the witness stand, having been sworn in.    


Prosecutor:  Mr. Carhart.  You say that in your capacity as deputy coroner for the City of New York, the victim in this case, a highly respected stockbroker, died of natural causes.  Yet he was shot twice in the chest, stabbed through an artery near the heart, and pushed through the 98th floor window of the newly erected Freedom Tower, on a floor where he was too deathly afraid of heights to go near any window, in a building placed approximately where the World Trade Center once stood.  May I ask, how in the hell you reached that conclusion of natural causes?


Defense Attorney: Objection!


Prosecutor:  I apologize to the Court, your honor.


Judge:  Duly noted.  The Court Recorder will strike out "in the hell".  Continue.


Prosecutor:  Thank you, your honor.   Mr. Carhart, please answer the question.


Larry:  Well, I based my "death by natural causes" conclusion based on my understanding from People's Government Propaganda Channel, also known as MSNBC's many media personalities stating within 12 hours of the crime that the victim was afraid of heights.  


Prosecutor: Objection your honor. 


Judge: Over-ruled.  The Court can take judicial notice of public news reports, even if its from drooling leftist retards who are so whacked out on prescription meds they fantasize urinating and defecating in each others mouths and then project it upon decent morally upright people they wish to smear.  The People's Government Propaganda Channel, aka. MSNBC's down syndrome level intelligence quotient reports and smear propaganda still falls under The Washington Post v. Robinson, 935 F. 2nd 282 (D.C. Circuit Court of 1991) and under Agee v. Muskie, 629 F. 2nd 80,81 note 1 at page 90 (D.C. Circuit Court 1980).   

    The Witness shall continue.  

Larry:  Continue?

 [Larry looks at the prosecutor, then the Judge, and then back to the Prosecutor again, and nods.]  Yes. 
.
The two 9mm semi-wadcutter slugs the victim received in the upper left torso missed the heart and the arteries, I conclude, did not kill him.  The knife wound did cut the artery 4 inches away from the left ventricle, but since it was lodged in place, he did not have time to exsanguinate, so he did not die from that.  The victim, who was a Republican who many years ago voted for Bush, did not die from being pushed through the window, because he was only mildly cut by it.  As I understand it, and as was stipulated by the Prosecution in this case, the victim was known to be deathly afraid of heights...

Prosecutor: Objection your honor.


Judge: Over-ruled.  The witness will answer what the Prosecution has opened the door to.  The witness is instructed to continue.


Larry:  Thank you, your honor.  As I was saying, the witness was deathly afraid of heights, and he  wore a medical bracelet stating the same to this effect, and listed the prescription medication he was on to allay his fears, and also required that he worked in the absolute middle of the building as part of his employment to avert panic attacks.   


As Deputy Coroner, because of the condition of the body, or rather what was left of it after a fall of 98 stories, an excess of 1,000 feet onto concrete below, I read the Homicide Detective's Investigation Report posted on the People's Government subsidized and rated the full 5 stars politically correct CNN and CBS websites in order to affirm or challenge my conclusion of more than 3 days of analysis after having already reached my media driven conclusion. 


 I estimate that after the victim was pushed through the window on the 98th floor, which no one challenges is the case, that the victim being deathly afraid of heights died at or about  as he fell past the 78th floor.  He suffered a massive instantaneous coronary, and witnesses and security video I examined from random floors at the time the victim fell past these specific camera covered windows from about the 76th floor on down show that the victim fell as if a stunt double rag doll  in a low budget 1930s Western movie,  as his arms and legs flailed out in an unnatural means, which would only occur, not if the body simply went limp, but was fully dead.

Prosecutor:  But you, at the very least, agree that the fall would have killed him and death was inevitable.


Larry:  You can't say that!  For all we know, a big wind could have come along, blown him into the water at an arc, and saved his life after it bounced his sorry rear end across the bay like a rock skipping on the water of the Hudson River to the West.   


At this point in the recreation, Larry is allowed to leave the witness box to point to a large dry erase board illustration showing height and distance and the arc to the jury.  He then returns, as the Court and the television audience looking in,  is then given a large screen cartoon recreation made of the fall, where the viewer gets to watch the simulated cartoon victim crash through the 98th floor window and get blown away from the Freedom Tower at about the 88th floor in a great sliding arc, to where he descends upon the Hudson River to the west from a height of over 900 feet and a distance of some 2,000 feet plus away.  The cartoon figure then bounces on his ass across the Hudson and crashes on land somewhere off screen in New Jersey after crashing through a window, a woman screaming in fright, and a large dog barking several times.  The scene then shifts back to the deputy coroner on the stand.   


 In that case, he likely would perhaps have had only lost his clothes and broken his arms and legs upon such an impact and drowned. 


Prosecutor: [Fuming and shouting] But in the cartoon you showed, he bounces his sorry ass off to New Jersey.  Further, in real life, the victim fell straight down and died!  He didn't get blown by a big wind, he didn't do the bouncy-bouncy off his ass on the Hudson River, and he didn't drown!  No Mr. Coroner, that didn't happen!  Instead, what did he do?  Can you please describe it in your own words?  WHAT DID HE DO?


Larry:  In my own words?


 Prosecutor:  Yes, sir.  In your own words!


Larry: Well, then.  In my own words, I would have to say that he fell like a ripe tomato from 98 stories up onto concrete, and when he hit, he went
SPLAT!!!   All over the place!

At this point, as gasps and outbursts of "oohhh!" went up from the Court's participants and spectators,  the Court room scene faded out to once again reveal the words "Dream TV" across the 70" screen of the old man's dream television in his sub-conscious and Rapid Eye Movement state.    The announcer closed out the program with these words...


Announcer:  "And so ended the career of one Larry Carhart, Deputy Coroner of the City of New York.   And now, a commercial  from our sponsor."


The Commercial opens with a hugely overweight house cat of approximately 42 lbs walking and dragging its belly across a linoleum kitchen floor.  A Subtitle introduces the cat as " 'Fatty the Cat', or 'What your People's Government Run Healthcare System is designed to do to you' ".

Announcer:  "Is your cat fat?"


[The cat stops and looks at the camera]


Announcer:  "Don't you wish your tubby little friend had more zip, more pep, more ka-pow?"


[The cat meows at the camera and to the television audience.]


Announcer: "Then you need KA-POW!!!"


[The product box showing the huge font of "KA-POW!!" comes up screen left held in the left hand, as a right hand, also on screen lower left offers the tubby little friend of a cat what looks like a soft treat the size and shape and coloring of a beef bullion cube, which that obese (to the point of dragging his tummy fat) cat named "Fatty" happily eats.]


Announcer: "KA-POW!!!  The tasty cat nip with a super-charged laxative that combines super-pep with super-weight loss in an instant!  Watch your entire neighborhood change how it views your cat, from the laughing stock to being the new instant SENSATION!"


[ The commercial moves outside as Fatty the cat faces down a skunk in some grassy area, as the skunk comes out underneath a bush.]


Announcer:  "No more will your cat be a blob of slowness. Watch what happens when this cat, recently feed with KA-POW less than 20 minutes earlier faces down a skunk.  All of a sudden, Fatty is quicker on the draw!"


[The skunk and Fatty simultaneously whip around, their backsides simultaneously facing each other; but Fatty's tail goes up first, and the sound is as if a .44 Magnum revolver or a car back-firing in an echoing alley going off.   "BOOOOM!!!!!"   (The explosive sound effect coming from Fatty echoing several times as if going off in a canyon).  Suddenly, on screen, there is nothing but an almost impenetrable greenish brown cloud of dust accompanying the explosion; and about 5 - 6 seconds later, as the dust clears, the bushes on the hedge are mostly all gone, and the camera zooms right to reveal a dead skunk 15 feet away, on its back, deceased, all fours in the air.  The camera zooms back to Fatty the cat, which looks into the camera, and meows, is digitally enhanced to appear as if having raised and lowered and raised eyebrows quickly as if in amazed astonishment, as if realizing its new-found powers, and then happily rushes off screen-left.]


Announcer:  "Yes, KA-POW!  The super energy dynamo laxative that will put your neighbors brats in terror!"


[The screen now shows several children, ages 8 - 12 stopping in their tracks and running the other way, screen-right.  Suddenly, "BOOOM!!!!!", and an almost impenetrable greenish-brown cloud of dust sweeps almost instantaneously from screen left to screen right as a woman loudly shrieks, as one would expect her to scream in fright in a horror movie.]


Announcer:  "Yes, watch your neighborhood literally change over-night as you feed your cat KA-POW, and send your hairy little friend outdoors to do his or her little weight loss thing!"


[The commercial now transitions into 4 out of doors screen shots of Fatty the cat walking away from dog house blown on its side;  then, of Fatty the cat walking away covered with a greenish-brown mud as a dog distantly whimpers.  The next screen shot is of Fatty the cat walking away from a picket fence where the a sign says "No cats allowed" on the post to the left where a knocked down gate covered in greenish-brown mud was; and the last, of Fatty the cat walking up to a woman placing out her linen sheets on a backyard clothesline.

    Just as Fatty whips around with his backside to the woman hanging clothes, and his tail whips straight up, the screen shifts to the family of the father and mother and the three alleged brats seen earlier sitting around a dinner table.  Suddenly, in the distance something to the effect that is like a sonic boom that shakes and rattles even the windows of the house , "Booom!", followed by a woman's shriek.]

Father: "Was that a gun going off?"


Mother: "Was it a backfire?"


(All three brats in unison, with exasperated looks.)

The Children: "No!!  It was the neighbor's cat!"

Then another woman shrieks as the commercial fades to black.


Then the ominous words "Dream TV" once again flash across the Screen of the television in the old man's dream.


Meanwhile, in real life the "Politically Correct Squad", notified by the ever listening National Security Agency overhearing the man's earlier utterances,  enters the man's house and "vaccinates" him while he sleeps.  And as he slips away into death, the last words he sees after the flashing of "Dream TV"  are the neon flashing words of "Dream TV, The Environmentally And Politically Correct Way To Watch Television."   As just as he dies, he enters into a semi-conscious state and hears the sound of a toilet bowl flush, and the voice of one agent standing over him loudly lamenting to another some distance away, "Will you stop flushing that empty toilet as praise to Obama?!  You know the regs!  It don't mean anything unless you blow his praise out your backside first!"



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