This story is fiction, it never happened.
I was recently over the house of a famous bronze sculptor for a light dinner and drinks the other day. We chatted about wine, the arts, society in general, and eventually we got around to politics and the person of Barack Obama. He related to me, in the presence of several others a small series of events that I never heard before, and cannot verify. But considering his impeccable reputation and nature to under-exaggerate and be dismissive of serious events of his life, such as being on the 9th floor of the North Tower on 9/11 when one of the planes hit, and saying he was inconvenienced when the building caught fire and caused collateral damage that resulted in the loss of a client's business just as he was commissioned for a lucrative contract, I could not help but to now type down what I was told at the small familial dinner of a few friends and this great man among the artists of the arts.
It seems that a year or so ago, he was commissioned by those around Obama with some kind of Government monies to do a bronzed statue of Obama, standing in one of his Rose Garden poses, looking "Presidential". In fact, the very pictures that he was given to use as his inspiration, he showed to us, and these all bore the name of the White House photographer on them. My friend was also asked that he might especially use a material he chose that would be suitable for the interior of the bronze, and as for size, that it would be life-sized. My friend looked at the $500,000 initial offer with $3,500,000 more for completion within a 60 day timeline, and jumped on the deal. Instead of using oak or some other interior suggested by those from around Obama, being well aware of who and what Obama was and is, my friend went out to Hawaii where a certain couple of owners had bulls. You know, the moo cows with horns and testosterone. Yeah, that kind. He negotiated a generous price for what ended up being hundreds of pounds of the stuff, and had it shipped to himself through a contact owning a home and garden store there as "fertilizer".
It took my friend less than 30 days from that, for a total of 44 days, to complete the work. The detail of the bronze was so perfect, it outdid anything you would see in a certain famous wax museum recreation. The bronze was so pure, at first glance, it appeared as if it might have been made out of gold. Yes, it was that good. In fact, he was asked if a pure 24 carat gold spray on the bronze would do any harm. Being the professional he is, he would not repeat what he told those asking, but suffice it to say, when he wants, he can cuss worse than a nuclear submariner. So yeah, I gather it was pretty bad what he said.
Any rate, he collects his monies by way of a direct deposit and verifies it on his blackberry phone. Then, an ecstatic Obama comes out from playing his X-box after a morning playing 21 points b-ball with the Secret Service, and then the back 9 of golf over at Andrews, back to the White house for 2 or 3 phone calls, lunch, and some more recreation time on a video game. So, Obama comes out, and his is so happy, he is actually giddy. His cronies surround him 3 or 4 people thick, about 40 - 50 of them, they applaud, they ask him for a speech, and just before the White House photographer snaps a photo of Obama, his bronzed statue, and the sculptor, someone asks what's inside. "Hawaiian bullshit." My friend replies, "The real stuff from bulls grazing in Hawaii. You people wanted me to capture the essence of this man, and I did. All glitter and beauty and image on the outside, and so full of it on the inside. I want the world to be able to see this statue and be able to have people say what a beautiful statue he makes, but also to know what is inside, and be able to walk away and say, 'See, I told you he was full of shit', and know that those words are absolutely correct, both about this fraud of a man standing here before us, and this statue."
Well, according to my friend, in the next seconds, you could have heard a pin drop. My friend looked up, and saw a flash of sunlight as it reflected off the scope of a Secret Service sniper rifle. It was like time froze. Not being shot in the next few seconds after seeing the glint of the sniper's rifle pointing down on him, he next expected a total riot and violent words. Instead, 5 Secret Service Agents scooped him up, and took him for a ride that resulted in a 21 day detention, then a 3 day interrogation beyond that, and suddenly, as he was about to snap, he was ordered to redress and let go at a secret Maryland facility he was instructed never to discuss or locate again if he valued his life or his freedom.
As he was being let go, a mysterious man in a black swedish knit double-breasted suit and perma-shine shoes greeted him at the door. My friend was told that if he valued his life and his freedom, that the incident of the White House never happened, that there would be no witnesses to ever corroborate anything he said, anywhere. No witnesses...anywhere.
My friend asked, "But what of my work? What of the Statue of Obama?"
"Oh that," the man replied. "That was shipped to his cousin Odinga in Kenya. It is now displayed prominently in his banquet hall in a house he built on U.S. Taxpayer dollars from his Cousin as grants to Kenya. It is now titled 'Barack Hussein Obama II, Son of the Soil'. Every time Odinga now looks at Obama's bronze, he can't help but crack himself up. Sometimes he even says, 'I always knew my cousin was so full of shit.' "
And remember, for my friend's sake, this story is fiction. It never happened. Wink, wink.
No comments:
Post a Comment