[Fictional Political Humor by Brianroy]
A certain local Democratic Member of Congress was recently asked by their spouse to purchase five pounds of cow brains for a delicacy to be prepared for some friends. While at the Meat Counter, Congressman X, a loyal Obama Democrat, was told that they were purchasing the last five pounds of fresh cow brains they would carry. "We are discontinuing the product", and spoiling it out. Whatever you don't buy now, even though its fresh from today, we have to toss as soon as we make this sale. The whole chain is doing the same thing, and outside of us, no one else carries it within 20 or 30 miles of here." said the meat clerk.
"That's alright," replied Congressman X, "I got all I need, and it'll be prepared in the next hour or so anyway. Just barely in time for company tonight, but I am already cutting it a little close."
Upon grabbing up the butcher-meat paper wrapped cow brains, Congressman X decided they needed some eggs and milk, and scooped up these items. Just as they were about to leave the Dairy Case, Congressman X was asked to sign a couple autographs and answer a couple friendly constituent questions (which Congressman X graciously did, setting down the eggs, the milk, and the butcher paper wrapped cow brains in the Dairy Case).
Just as Congressman X finished with his friendly constituents, a TEA Party member startled Congressman X citing concerns about Obama's ineligibility to Office.
Congressman X said there was no proof.
The TEA Party member cited the Social Security document regarding Obama, in which the Social Security Administration had listed Obama's Social with a "1" or "not his"; and then cited that by the Long Form Obama Birth Certificate being released through White House Public Relations with multiple forged aspects and not by the Department of Health in Hawaii, nor by Obama's lawyers themselves, nor into evidence in a Court of Law, there exists reasonable doubt as to Obama's identity documents.
Congressman X replied, "Well, there's no legal citation you can give from the US Supreme Court that requires Obama to produce identity documents."
The TEA Partier then cited and quoted Bute v. Illinois, 333 US 640 (1948) @ 653, and Nguyen v. INS, 533 US 53 (2001) @ 54,62.
These citations humiliated Congressman X, and Congressman X then demanded if this person before them was even his constituent.
"Yes, I am", stated the TEA Partier, who then gave their name and home address, which was well within the bounds of Congressman X's district.
"I don't believe you!!!" cried Congressman X. With that, Congressman X scooped up the eggs and milk and rushed to the check-stand, and got in line. After about two minutes advancing, Congressman X realized they had forgotten what they came to the store for: Cow Brains.
Meanwhile, a box clerk heading for lunch beheld the butcher wrapped brains and takes it back into the Dairy Cooler. He spies a milk-crate missing one gallon of milk, and places it in the crate, and departs to clock out and leave the store for lunch. This takes all in all, less than two minutes.
At this point, Congressman X has now just excused themself out of the line, and rushed back to the Dairy Case. A local news reporter already on another story out in the parking lot, is alerted by a Union employee that there was a TEA Party v. Congressman confrontation. Hurriedly, the reporter jogs in, and quickly spots Congressman X, trotting up close behind as Congressman X scurrilously searched for the butcher paper in the Dairy Case.
The Dairy Manager approaches the Congressman and asks, "May I help you?"
To which Congressman X laments, "I lost my brains! I lost my brains! They were just here, and now I can't find them!"
Having their story, the news-reporter rushes away, and back to work. The next day in 72 Font emboldened headlines, the top story on the Front Page of the Newspaper read:
"Local Congressman Finally Has Epiphany!"
That afternoon, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, head of the Democratic National Committee orders a news Conference with all the major television networks. "It was Yellow Journalism! It was all lies!" she exclaims, "I demand a retraction! The Congressman never lost their brains; they were in cold storage the whole time."
The next day, again in 72 emboldened font across the front page it read:
"DNC Chairwoman admits Congressman's brains were missing, misplaced in cold storage."
A certain local Democratic Member of Congress was recently asked by their spouse to purchase five pounds of cow brains for a delicacy to be prepared for some friends. While at the Meat Counter, Congressman X, a loyal Obama Democrat, was told that they were purchasing the last five pounds of fresh cow brains they would carry. "We are discontinuing the product", and spoiling it out. Whatever you don't buy now, even though its fresh from today, we have to toss as soon as we make this sale. The whole chain is doing the same thing, and outside of us, no one else carries it within 20 or 30 miles of here." said the meat clerk.
"That's alright," replied Congressman X, "I got all I need, and it'll be prepared in the next hour or so anyway. Just barely in time for company tonight, but I am already cutting it a little close."
Upon grabbing up the butcher-meat paper wrapped cow brains, Congressman X decided they needed some eggs and milk, and scooped up these items. Just as they were about to leave the Dairy Case, Congressman X was asked to sign a couple autographs and answer a couple friendly constituent questions (which Congressman X graciously did, setting down the eggs, the milk, and the butcher paper wrapped cow brains in the Dairy Case).
Just as Congressman X finished with his friendly constituents, a TEA Party member startled Congressman X citing concerns about Obama's ineligibility to Office.
Congressman X said there was no proof.
The TEA Party member cited the Social Security document regarding Obama, in which the Social Security Administration had listed Obama's Social with a "1" or "not his"; and then cited that by the Long Form Obama Birth Certificate being released through White House Public Relations with multiple forged aspects and not by the Department of Health in Hawaii, nor by Obama's lawyers themselves, nor into evidence in a Court of Law, there exists reasonable doubt as to Obama's identity documents.
Congressman X replied, "Well, there's no legal citation you can give from the US Supreme Court that requires Obama to produce identity documents."
The TEA Partier then cited and quoted Bute v. Illinois, 333 US 640 (1948) @ 653, and Nguyen v. INS, 533 US 53 (2001) @ 54,62.
These citations humiliated Congressman X, and Congressman X then demanded if this person before them was even his constituent.
"Yes, I am", stated the TEA Partier, who then gave their name and home address, which was well within the bounds of Congressman X's district.
"I don't believe you!!!" cried Congressman X. With that, Congressman X scooped up the eggs and milk and rushed to the check-stand, and got in line. After about two minutes advancing, Congressman X realized they had forgotten what they came to the store for: Cow Brains.
Meanwhile, a box clerk heading for lunch beheld the butcher wrapped brains and takes it back into the Dairy Cooler. He spies a milk-crate missing one gallon of milk, and places it in the crate, and departs to clock out and leave the store for lunch. This takes all in all, less than two minutes.
At this point, Congressman X has now just excused themself out of the line, and rushed back to the Dairy Case. A local news reporter already on another story out in the parking lot, is alerted by a Union employee that there was a TEA Party v. Congressman confrontation. Hurriedly, the reporter jogs in, and quickly spots Congressman X, trotting up close behind as Congressman X scurrilously searched for the butcher paper in the Dairy Case.
The Dairy Manager approaches the Congressman and asks, "May I help you?"
To which Congressman X laments, "I lost my brains! I lost my brains! They were just here, and now I can't find them!"
Having their story, the news-reporter rushes away, and back to work. The next day in 72 Font emboldened headlines, the top story on the Front Page of the Newspaper read:
"Local Congressman Finally Has Epiphany!"
That afternoon, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, head of the Democratic National Committee orders a news Conference with all the major television networks. "It was Yellow Journalism! It was all lies!" she exclaims, "I demand a retraction! The Congressman never lost their brains; they were in cold storage the whole time."
The next day, again in 72 emboldened font across the front page it read:
"DNC Chairwoman admits Congressman's brains were missing, misplaced in cold storage."
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