There’s music in my…what? A commercial idea gone wrong. - Humor

The Obama Administration has boasted that they will crack down on those who exercise their First Amendment Rights with the Threat of Indefinite Detention.

 http://www.wnd.com/2012/09/obama-detention-ok-for-1st-amendment-activities/

 On September 11, when the Obama Administration was still holding forth the option to do so, and still may ignore the courts, but only if we dare hurt the feelings of Muslims; even though on September 12, a Federal Judge struck the "indefinite detention of U.S. Citizens" provision in the National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA) down.

 http://www.thenewamerican.com/usnews/constitution/item/12834-federal-judge-permanently-blocks-indefinite-detention-under-ndaa

 Meanwhile, Obama's Administration in utter disregard and deep contempt for thousands of wounded Christian military, takes the Holy Bible out of U.S. Military Hospitals so that Chaplains can no longer read or console wounded U.S. Troops with the Scriptures, while Muslim Clerics are given free rein to read to their very few and own out of the Qur'an in the next bed, down the hall, or on the next floor when they are found. 

So in response to this, I altered a fictional short story I wrote and was holding onto (as I considered its appropriateness or in what context I could perhaps make it one day appropriate).  Seeing the story in a use of humor and without fear of Islamists or Obama, and as a protest against the Islamicizing of the Federal Government by Obama, I decided to make public this silly humorous story and make the point that the Obama Administration's policy of their brand of political correctness can be mocked as a petty and nefarious hypocrisy that only Muslims have feelings and Christians aren’t allowed the right to be offended. 

I am not making this story to intentionally be offensive to Muslims, but do so perfectly at peace in indifference and apathy (via the First Amendment of the US Constitution),  free from any fear the Jihadis who wish to mindlessly jump about as they beat their heads and scream like lunatics saying they are offended, when that is what they are told to say and do for political purposes or for the sake of mayhem to break up the monotony of their pitiful oppressed and subjugated into misery (under Islam) lives.  When some people are really miserable, they are never content until they see others suffering or in misery.  That is Jihadi Islam, be it Al Qaeda, the Muslim Brotherhood, or dressed up in a suit and tie with smooth words as one expects from CAIR (which would unhesitatingly add an "O"  to their name and reveal their agenda and some of their source beliefs). 

  It is bad enough that the Obama State department is deliberately attempting the Middle East to kill all Coptic Christians, and to use fear to drive many of us back.  Irenaeus once wrote: "The blood of martyrs is the seed of the Church."  May Obama's efforts to help destroy Coptic Christianity in Egypt actually back-fire as in times of persecution in ancient Church History, and actually increase the number of those who leave Islam and convert and believe into eternal life through Jesus Christ, the True Messiah, who paid for sins once and for all, that whosoever simply believes into Him, might have eternal life (e.g., John 3:15,16; Romans 10:9-10,13). 

 I expect that this post as it gets older, will largely be unread and unknown except for the few who stop here to occasionally search through the archives of this site.  (Thank you to all of you who read here.  I hope this site's material will help inform, see a different but informed opinion or insight, and will bless many.).  But if some moderate and apathetic Muslims do visit to read THIS Fictional Story below, I expect that many of them may have a belly laugh at the expense of the radical fundamentalists that give the more peace loving and less religious among them a bad name, even if happily done in private.  I hope it at least brings some joy in their lives, and your lives as well. 

And as for chants of death by the fundamentalists, for those in Christ, we have the assurance of 2 Corinthians 5:1-8, John 12:26.  Besides, the Bible tells us that perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18).  So in that sense, maybe the humor helps to actually spread the love around in an unconventional sort of way.  But whether I live or am taken from the Land of the Living by forces beyond my ability, in that case: for the believer into Jesus, absent from the body, present with the LORD.  

And finally, as for Obama (being reared in a foreign country under a Muslim Foreign Father in his developing years)  having  "no problem" in having a Third World mind-set to threaten the right to subject a United States Natural Born Citizen like me or any other U.S. Citizen with indefinite detention, whether it is over writing a fictional short story using humor,  do I need to worry?  I think not.  I doubt even he is so stupid as to give me that Article III standing under Lujan v. Wildlife to have him legally removed from Office, especially after the millions of campaign and U.S. Tax dollars he spent to keep himself in office.  With that out of the way, here's the fictional story...and sorry for the long-winded intro.    

 Disclaimer:  The following is a Purely Fictional Story or creative writing of art, with no intent to do harm in the real world.  It represents no real persons and any similarity to persons living or dead, or like events at any point in the story, is merely coincidence. -- Brianroy

There’s music in my…what?  A commercial idea gone wrong.  - Humor        By Brianroy

     Dr. Stanley L. Adams always wanted to do things more advanced and more powerful than anyone else, so he invented a super-lithium battery that could be used in a cell-phone, and run on a charge for a minimum of 60 days or 1440 hours of not stop use (whether used to play a radio tune, surf the internet non-stop, text or use for talking, and easily hold a full charge for over a year with 600 hours or less usage during the year.  Indeed, it was revolutionary.

  The pack took on the feel and shape of a flexible semi-soft plastic gel, which one could easily impress and retain their fingerprint upon.  The only draw-back was, if it got wet, it was – because of the properties involved to keep it from grounding and thereby dumping its charge and losing its power – unstable.  In fact, by 132 tests, standard cell phone shaped super-lithiums with the feel and shape of a flexible semi-soft gel created by Dr. Adams, but dissolved quickly into a violent but contained self-destructing foaming action that consistently exploded the cell pack seconds later with the force of a half a stick of dynamite when it was made wet.  After an extensive testing of metallurgic polymers, Dr. Adams finally came upon a protective shell for the lithium cell pack  that would stand an immersion in up to 62 feet of water, the maximum depth of his test tank, not dump nor negate the components of what made the super-lithium super-charged, and remain stable.  Thus, what he thought rendered the battery as “safe”.  

Excited about this progress, and the passing of 109 proto-types, Dr. Adams took the successful prototypes, along with several unstable gel prototypes, and made his presentation to the Board of Directors at his Technological Research and Development Company on the appointed day.  Upon hearing and seeing the reports, the Board was ecstatic about the break-through this made, and fore saw an application in the electric car industry as well as others, in which vehicles could perhaps go as far as 600 to 1000 miles on a single charge, maybe more.  However, this meeting at the Board is when things went wrong.  During the meeting, Dr. Adams was met by an interruption by Homeland Security who took him into custody, claiming that his patents were being seized as a matter of national security, and he was to face 96 hours of psychological evaluation to see if he was a threat to himself or others.  

The entire Board Room descended into chaos, as the Firms security and Homeland Security, and about 30 of the Research Company’s attorneys and their aids, and  10 or 15 Research Engineers directly associated with the project flooded into the room meant to hold a maximum capacity of about 45.  There were now more than 80 all told, crammed in, and the noise level was so loud that you had to scream near the top of your lungs to be heard 2 – 3 feet away.  In the chaos, Homeland Security hurriedly swooped up the stable super-lithiums labeled with tags marked successful prototypes, and whisked away a stunned and hand-cuffed Dr. Adams, while mistakenly leaving the unstable gel packs behind. 

And somehow in the process, Homeland Security never informed the attorneys nor the Board, nor anyone else that the concern was Dr. Adams created something that was essentially an improvised explosive device and was potentially about to put explosives in the hands of millions of unwitting victims, and others who would create havoc with these new batteries (from mischievous children and wayward individuals, to terrorists).  The policy was, “What we do, and why we do something, is nobody else’s business but our own.”   And boy, was that a mistake! 

Outside the Board Room was an ambitious Public Relations Spokesperson, who heard about the success Dr. Adams created, but never seen the proto-type.  Rob Ryerson viewed himself as the ambitious go-getter who would one day seize an opportunity so big, that a Vice-Presidency and eternal success would be assured.  So as the flood of lawyers argued with Homeland Security, somehow Rob managed to bob and weave through the push and shove melee of the Board Room and retrieved what he thought were the successful prototypes.  They weren’t.  

Rob excitedly secreted the unstable battery packs out to a media development office within his Company, and gave them a verbal Script and faked several e-mail authorizations over the next day in order to fast-track a presentation for a cell-phone client due to meet him and his staff to see what this particular Technological  Research and Development Company could do for his major telephone company. 

On the appointed day, the liaison and his staff of experts sat down for a media presentation.  The 80” Screen lit up, the lights went dim.

{Melodious beat}

{An attractive and buxom late teenage girl in a pair of faded jeans, tight short sleeve shirt, is dancing by herself against a blank beige background with the company logo in the upper left corner of the screen displayed prominently.  [You can imagine her as any ethnicity you like.]   In her right hand, while singing to the beat, she holds up the latest most cellphone released by the client viewing the commercial presentation}.

Girl (singing):  “There’s music in my pants!  Cha-cha-cha-cha.  And it makes me want to dance!  

{she looks at the phone}

Cha-cha-cha-cha!   There’s music in my pants! “ 

{She clicks the phone to "on", slips it in her faded jeans pants pocket, and the music loudly and melodiously chimes the phone is turning on}

Phone: {Chimes a melodious tune as it turns on, which is amplified loudly for the television audience } 

             "Ding-ding  ding-ding   ting a ling!”

Girl (throws up her arms and jumps up yelling): “Yes!”

{And then happily and excitedly dances off the screen as if she were Belinda Carlisle to the Go-Go’s in a snippet of “We Got the Beat”.}

{The Screen fades to black}.

As the lights come up, the client was thrilled.  “Great!  Fantastic! Can you also do one where a guy does it, and does the James Brown dance off the screen to  ‘I feel good!’?   

“Not a problem”, Rob Ryerson replies.  

“Okay, let’s test market it among the ages 16-26 crowd in three cities, bring me the results in 60 days, and we’ll pitch it to our top people.”  Said the VIP Client. 

So the demos were made, the commercial distributed, and the result was astounding.  It was like the latest craze.  Everywhere young people were imitating the commercial, laughing as they did their own variations and renditions, and talked about how cool it was to own this particular client’s cell phone products over any others.  

Near the end of the 60 day deadline, Rob got a phone call from the VIP Client who viewed the commercial and authorized a demographics test survey. 

“Rob”, he said, “I talked to the big boss, and they said they want you to have a live commercial on their favorite talent program on Prime time Television.  We’ll put up the time slot that is already allotted us and in our contract with the network.  Can you arrange for the James Brown number we discussed? It will be in two weeks from Thursday at the networks Studio 3.”

Rob answered in the affirmative.  A very talented black musician / dancer turned actor was hired by Rob, but before rehearsal could get underway, several Union Representatives came in with a Muslim Rapper dressed like a jihadi street thug, and insisted on the hiring by Affirmative Action and Political Correctness, or they would get the other Unions to stop the production from being aired.  After almost 2 hours of fierce back and forth arguing, Rob finally relented just as the Union Reps were walking out with their jihadi stret thug, and let the very talented and disappointed black actor go with two weeks pay.  

 The Muslim jihadi street thug was hired, and besides showing up late, terrorizing the crew on the street, threatening to rape and enslave various women on the set, after many hours of extra rehearsals, the timing finally happened just the way it was supposed to.  

 On the big night, at the given time, a certain extremely popular and young female blond Pop Music singer on the Talent Judges Panel introduced the act to a loudly screaming audience:

Female Pop Star:  “And now, for the first time ever on this program, we bring to you a live commercial from a major sponsor of this program!”

{The cameras zoomed in to the Muslim jihadi street thug, with his Yasser Arafat head covering and scarf (to call attention to the false plight of those in Gaza and the West Bank), who at least immediately and professionally took his cue, and started dancing to a background beat.  Unfortunately, one of the cameras pulled up too close and knocked him down.  The cameraman, holding a cup of water, spilled it all over the phone in the Muslim jihadi thug's hand, and all over the floor.  Quickly the the jihadi thug turned actor recovered, moved further back away from the spill and began dancing to a background beat.}

Jihadi Muslim turned actor  (singing):  “There’s music in my pants!   Yo-Yo  Yo-Yo dog!  And it makes me want to dance!" 

{He looks at the phone, grabbing and shaking his baggy pants at the crotch area with his other hand as he does so.}

"Yo-Yo!  Yo-Yo!   There’s music in my pants!”  

{He clicks the phone to on, pulls his pants at the crotch waistline away from his body and drops it down.}

Jihaidi Muslim turned actor:  "Allahu Akhbar, dog!" 

Phone: {Chimes a melodious tune as it turns on, which is amplified loudly for the television audience } 

             "Ding-ding  ding-ding   ting a ling!”

{Quickly, on the television screen, there is a close up of the actor’s face; when suddenly, with the force of a half a stick of dynamite…)

Phone: “” BOOOOOM!!!!””

 

{And as the screen shot rapidly switches from a one second or less open mouthed face of horror and wincing pain of the jihadi Muslim turned actor to the Pop Star, just before going to commercial she says bewilderedly, looking around in a state of shock…)

Female Pop Star: “I thought the whole idea of this live commercial was supposed to be about a cell phone carrier, not a sex change!”


With that, the entire behind the scenes production crew let out a loud continuous joyful cheer. They were then joined in by the studio audience.  No one knows whether it was out of nervous shock or what the reason was. 

 Male Panel Counterpart (facing the Camera, trying to talk over the now very noisy cheering joined in by the studio audience):  "So much for going to 70 Virgins in Paradise!  When he gets there, all those 70 virgins looking for music in his pants will find out he hasn't any, and will be chasing him down with pitch-forks for eternity!  One contentious woman is bad enough...but having to run away from 70 upset screaming females in soul-bodies that never get tired?  Yikes!  Screw that! Somebody find me a Bible!  I'm converting to Christianity!  It's after-life for the believer is a hell of a lot safer!"